Saturday, October 1, 2011

OK, I'm Admitting

I am admitting that I am not perfect. So what you say. No big deal. Ahh, but it is a big deal. But not in the way you might be thinking.

 It's not that I wish I were pefect. Sure, I used to want that. Or I thought I did. I thought it was possible. But I can't even define what a perfect person is or does. People that think they are perfect, or close to it, are really just stuck in place.

Imperfection is growth. It still has potential and possibilities. Imperfection is not afraid. I love imperfection that has a positive and yet a relaxed attitude. I have seen growth in myself, especially in the last few years. I had grown tired of being whatever I was supposed to be for others. It definitely wasn't working. I wasn't even sure that my efforts were going to be accepted, let alone appreciated. That's not a good feeling. Unsure. Hesitant. Doubtful. That was me. Because no matter how I added up my list of efforts, accomplishments or attempts . . . my bottom line of perfection just was never enough. It was never going to be any more than that. Attempts. You see, I forgot the major quotient in the math problem. ME. The more I am not striving for perfection, the more I can strive for being realistic, being better, being sincere. The less I worry about perfect, the more I can use my energy to just do. I don't believe I might fail.  I believe I will grow. I will be more because everything I do adds to my worth. I am open to knowing I might fail, but I probably won't. I will accomplish more than I thought. I am not afraid. I am enlightened. I am inspired. I am confident. Happiness comes from inside factors, not outside ones. I finally figured out how to do the math story problem that I always disliked. Add a "genuine" me to the total. I'm discovering that maybe math isn't so bad after all.