Sunday, April 10, 2011

tea time and reflections

Whew . . . I'm sitting down for a cup of tea, putting my feet up and I'd enjoy your company for a while.

I've been on the road  for a few weeks working on adding to my photography inventory and getting inspirations for paintings, along with some R&R.
But I've been a bit under the weather. A change in medications, local temperatures, eating on the road and not getting enough rest. A close encounter with not one, but two tornadoes. (And always the thought of bedbugs, can't seem to go to a hotel without checking that part out.) 
 As I get older I find that traveling can take it's toll and it is important to pace oneself. I think I can when it has become clear that I cannot, certainly not like I did before. This is when I admire the energy of youth and the innocent hearts that forge into new adventures. I have done some entertaining and gone many miles.

I've also turned another year older this week and reflected on my life, where I've come from, mistakes I've made, strengths I've aquired, goals I've reached, what I've learned, what makes me happy and where and how do I go from here. There are mistakes that were obvious in my early adulthood, but I refused to pay attention, thinking I could make a difference, I could be the change that mattered. And I did learn . . .  that I have to be myself, that I cannot make myself into what others expect from me. And that I am in control of only myself. Those are really hard lessons to learn.
I have  been missing my twin brother as he passed away 2 years ago now. And there is no end to how often I think of my parents, both gone now  . . . for I can't believe how many years already. Right now my relationship with my children has growing to do. Lots of it. I have tried to give them their space, but sometimes I know we have to drift apart so that we desire to be together. There are things  they don't understand and even though they are young adults,  their life expereinces so far has not been realized by them yet. I am sad for what we haven't been able to share, but one day they will understand life differently as I too learned. It will be an intense learning situation, but they have to see it from their own eyes and hearts. I hope and pray for that time. I too am growing and learning patience, and tolerance for the fact that sometimes things just don't go how we'd like them too. And in the process learning to accept the finite of the human body and how short of time we have to share.
The truth finds it's way, in it's own time and we can't hurry it, for it would not be realized. There is so much joy to share and love to give, but there has to be a willingness. My heart is open, but it has some pretty big bruises.
So please try to open your heart a bit more, be a little kinder, give a hug, give love and  let love into your heart. It feels so good. There is room.