Tuesday, January 5, 2010

Circle of closed minds

Last night I was in conversation with friends, new friends. And I had to think, what makes some people just open up ansd share of themselves without holding back, a desire to impress, be loud, shock, that devil may care attitude whether you like them or not? And others hold back so much, be timid, afraid to be judged, critizied or maybe more afraid to open a door to a place that has been locked and guarded for way too long. It takes time to trust, to feel comfortable and willing to share. We give little bits and pieces of ourselves. Like
taste samples, and watch faces and listen to words to see how our flavor is to another. Do they want more? Are they turned off, are we bitter tasting, sour? Or do we give off a savory temptation for a desire to want more of us? I feel like the more we hold back, the more we talk in circles, they less effort people want to invest in us. After all, time is precious, and exposure of self is like shedding your clothes on the subway, open to judgement from all walks of life, with all sorts of experiences and issues of their own, from people that can be cruel and cold, or  uncaring. I have been making an effort to be more about listening, understanding and trying to put myself in the chair that they sit in, the chair that they look at the world from, instead of mine. I know that even though my mom had emotional issues, it is only after I had complex and emotional concerns myself that I really could start to see and feel how hard her struggle was. How she tried to reach out, but in that reaching, because it was so extreme and intense, she could push you away, just when she needed you the most. Our concerns and life experiences were nothing alike, and she had a much harder life than I could imagine, but feelings can be the same, even if the experiences are not. So today, I will try to be more patient, and not so quick to judge or put a label on someone. Because in that very labeling, we have disregarded them and not allowed them to show their full potential to us. We don't want to be judged that way. Keeping your heart and mind open requires our attentiveness and desire for more. It is hard work. But that process allows us potentiality. Potentiality of a promise of better times, better realtionships, more fulfilling because we have not set boundaries. Growth and nurturing that is unlimited and makes us better friends, better family and better human beings.

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