Saturday, January 29, 2011
I was going to say just let it go . . . but there is nothing "just" about letting go of anything.
Letting go can be painful or liberating, and often it is both. It involves endless analysis and questions of self, of the situation and of being patient. You assess your actions and words as well as assessing theirs. You analyze whether you are truly being fair, truly being objective and approachable to their views and feelings. It involves wakeful nights, reviewing of words spoken, things left unsaid, interpretations of individuals,questions and ponderings. There is much to be said for being open to opportunity of growth and to understanding the human trait of everyone making mistakes in life.
We never really know what is in the hearts and minds of someone who won't talk with us. There is no engaging in human emotion, no hope of understanding, if we close our ears or continue to carry swords of negativity. No eye contact, no touch, no hearing of inclinations and tones of speech.
Truth has a difficult journey in silence.
When do you know that the thoughts, energy, time and hope you have are not enough to lead towards an indication for mutually desired better tomorrows?
Hope begins to falter when intentions are met repeatedly with any negativity. When it matters not to someone, what you do or what you don't do. Guilty by opinion. You give space, you don't force choices of them. You hope they want to understand as they gain more life experiences of their own. Youth has it's disadvantages.
You know the need to remain positive and open to change. You hunger for a morsel of positive sincerity to share. And after a long time, you begin to realize that if you continue to wait like this, your heart at some point will starve to death.
You are deemed as not caring enough, not understanding, not being there, not saying the right words or when you say any words, they are not said right enough. Is this the truth that they believe in their hearts, their memories? Oh how can it be so?
Where does one go from that point?
At what point do you turn your eyes downward and say it's all I can do. You have to decide if you want to work on this relationship with me. I want to do that with you, but you are not ready now.
If you knock at my door, you'll find it's still open and unlocked, the light is still on. It's just that my face isn't continuously looking out the window anymore.