Life as an Abstract

I am a painter and often I am asked what I paint. My favorite is abstract and people ask why don't I paint a tree, a house, a portrait or a landscape. When they look at my paintings they sometimes ask what it is supposed to be or what I want to express to them. It is whatever you want it to be I tell them. What we see is who we are. Just as each one of us chooses what we want from our individual lives. It can be anything and everything, but we have to really look at ourselves and study what and who we are.
Life . . . . I used to think that life was specific, black and white, yes or no, more definite. Well, I used to think a lot of things. Funny thing about life, the more you live it, the less it seems to be what you thought it was. I am finding that life is really pretty abstract in many things. Not much is clearly defined and that which is defined is basic and true. Much of our view of our individual life is what we think happened, how we interpret it, rather than what actually happened. When we live through an experience, it is usually a learning experience and we became a better person for it. Our views are changed by people, by happenings, by experiences. Sometimes by things that we have no control over. But very often by the choices we make every single day. And that is the beauty of it. Everyday is about the possibility of more, of better, of hope and change and unlimited joys and opportunity to grow as a person. We can grow in the physical, mental, emotional and spiritual. Everyday we get to see something new, something different, sometimes with a new perspective and other times with a confirmation of an old one. I like to see myself as having the quality of an abstract, that there is no end to what is possible and still much to explore and discover.

It's not how I thought it was

     The older I get the more I realize how little control I have of much of anything in life. That is a statement unto itself.
     I always thought that as an adult you would have it all together, even more so if you had an educattion, worked hard at whatever it is you do, and had good intentions. I believed that . . well, that life would work out pretty much okay.
     I have learned  that some of that matters, but not enough to make it as important as I once thought. My personal mission, these last few years, has been to watch people and gather information on what makes someone happy and what constitutes a good life. This is very unscientific and based on the conclusions and opinions of myself only. 
     The things that make life good are so very simple.
Enough food to eat and drink,
a roof to cover your head and keep you safe from the elements
clean air to breathe,
reasonably good health,
a purpose in life,
appreciation of what you have,
the privlege of loving and being loved,
a sense/belief of someone or something greater than yourself,
a sense of humor,
freedom to live your own life as you deem fit,
active participation in life
an openness and willingness to change
 and hope.
      Funny, even if we are lacking in one or some of these, we can still function, but a void exists. I think that we can have many of these and that sometimes we gain or loose them for a while. May this year bring you more of what you need to make your life good. Share what you can. Work toward what you don't have. Be respectful and caring. Try to forgive someone. Be thankful for what you have.
     Is there any that you would want to add to my list?

OK, I'm Admitting

I am admitting that I am not perfect. So what you say. No big deal. Ahh, but it is a big deal. But not in the way you might be thinking.

 It's not that I wish I were pefect. Sure, I used to want that. Or I thought I did. I thought it was possible. But I can't even define what a perfect person is or does. People that think they are perfect, or close to it, are really just stuck in place.

Imperfection is growth. It still has potential and possibilities. Imperfection is not afraid. I love imperfection that has a positive and yet a relaxed attitude. I have seen growth in myself, especially in the last few years. I had grown tired of being whatever I was supposed to be for others. It definitely wasn't working. I wasn't even sure that my efforts were going to be accepted, let alone appreciated. That's not a good feeling. Unsure. Hesitant. Doubtful. That was me. Because no matter how I added up my list of efforts, accomplishments or attempts . . . my bottom line of perfection just was never enough. It was never going to be any more than that. Attempts. You see, I forgot the major quotient in the math problem. ME. The more I am not striving for perfection, the more I can strive for being realistic, being better, being sincere. The less I worry about perfect, the more I can use my energy to just do. I don't believe I might fail.  I believe I will grow. I will be more because everything I do adds to my worth. I am open to knowing I might fail, but I probably won't. I will accomplish more than I thought. I am not afraid. I am enlightened. I am inspired. I am confident. Happiness comes from inside factors, not outside ones. I finally figured out how to do the math story problem that I always disliked. Add a "genuine" me to the total. I'm discovering that maybe math isn't so bad after all.

THREE WORDS

Can you descibe yourself in three words?
A difficult task to be sure.
Are they the same three words that those closest to you would use?

I had a class, quite some time ago, that was intimate because we spent an entire year and
a half together studying and doing practical clinical time. It was early mornings, late nights and
accelerated studies. A stressful time. Many were short on money, going through changes in
relationships, trying to work as well and be a part of family and friends too. Everyday stresses
and more added to a pressure cooker. Not enough hours in the day. Yes, I'm sure most of
 you can relate in some way.
At the end of the year, there was a day where everyone had to describe each other in class in
three words. We had to write them down on paper. No one saw what anyone wrote.
 The next day we were given the words that described us.
A pretty powerful experience. Some surprises and mostly many affirmations.
Overall it was really much more positive than anything.
Think about it. Do you know the same you that others do?

Validity of feelings

     There are times when I become sad and melancholy and feel like I have no control over very much in my life. It is at those times that I question if what I am feeling or thinking is accurate and valid, or if I've missed the boat entirely. Maybe I am reading and putting too much into it. . . .  .  (continued)

Where does it come from?

AT TIMES I WONDER
where things come from.
I know that we see with our eyes and others see our faces and look into our eyes.

We hear with our ears,
 sometimes the truth and sometimes
 what we want to hear.

We speak with our lips and at times
 we are silent.
Our hearts feel love in both the
giving and receiving.

But I wonder about our thoughts, our minds.
How does information get in and
what keeps it there?
How can it get distorted?
What makes a memory?
In what manner information attach to
thought and reasoning?
How does it decide between love or hate?

Where does the in and out of it happen?
How does this mind of ours work?

Patterns

Everywhere in life there are patterns. Patterns in nature and in the man made. There are patterns to birth, breathing, life and death. Patterns to each and every relationship and the seasons of the year.You  live out many patterns everyday.

When we understand about patterns we can understand life a little more. It begins to make sense and is not as frightening. Patterns can be a source of great comfort and yet give us the urge to break free. Look around you today. Patterns, they are everywhere. In music, in the rising and setting of the sun, in winds. They are in the mountains and oceans, in the trees and animals. They are in us, we are in them.  A pattern to love and to understand. Gaining wisdom and compassion. Finding peace and having faith. Eating and sleeping.

May you discover many patterns in your life today.

creativity from within transfers to another

I don't know what the creator of this sculpture was thinking about when they made it, but it certainly put a smile on my face.

May you find something in your day to smile about.

personal footprints

I'm showing show you a macro close up of a stone I found by the ocean with a twig laying across it so you can see the detail. All living things leave behind a footprint of some kind. Some footprints are short term and others long.
I was fascinated by the perfect little circular designs on this stone. I don't know what it was that left the impressions. It made me think of what kind of impression I am leaving behind. I'm sure that it might depend on who you ask. I would like to think that it's more positve than anything. But I guess one never really knows for sure. I know that some of the funerals or memorials that I have gone to, the person that has passed away would so have enjoyed what others thought and said about them. That's why I try to tell people some of those things now, instead of over their dead body. I wish that more people would be open to hearing and saying things while it means something.

A tribute to a friend

I had dinner with my friend of about 35 years the other evening. Her husband was out of town on business.So, it ended up being three of us, she was number one, number two was my honey and lastly, number three was myself.

We try to get together every so often. That "often" could be months or weeks. It doesn't matter, we pick up where we left off. We came into each others lives via yet-to-be husbands that were friends/coworkers.
 On her side of the picture, they got married and are still that way. Together, or separate, they are a wonderful couple, good people and lots of fun. On my side, I  married and after many years, divorced. Now am with a man who fits me better than I thought anyone could.
Since it was the three of us, I had more time, it seemed, to really look at her. Oh, I see her and everything, but this one was a quiet, deeper assessment of friendship, time and relationships.
The first time I met her, I was awed and intimidated. She was lovely with beautiful doe eyes, a wonderful smile, a great figure, long dark brown hair. She looked as beautiful, perhaps more, than a famous celebrity at the time.  I was soon taken in by her warm manner, her joy for life and her welcoming ways. We became friends by circumstance and as the saying goes, the rest is history.

After 35 years, we both have had many experiences in life, many of them the same, some very different, and some that we may never know about each other. All I know is that a friendship this long is special and it really doesn't take any work. Because we both get to be ourselves you see. There is mutual respect, a genuine happiness for when good things come either way, a compassion that needs no words. An understanding that life gets hectic, and you can be in someone's thoughts at all times of the day, even if you can't be there in person. A look, a touch, a hug really can be everything. We've had many experiences, both together and separately, pretty much always with support from each other, these include weddings, births of babies, raising children, up north family vacations, ski trips, shopping, hours on the phone, deaths of loved ones, illnesses, divorce, growing pains, tragedies, depression, happiness, endless laughter, more than enough tears and a love that is still growing. It grows because the nurturing and caring have never stopped.

Sitting there at the table, I had a chance to really see her. She had a softness about her. And even though it was the end of a long day, a busy week, and part of a full life . . . I saw a beautiful woman. She was a bit tired, but her eyes still had a spark, her smile relaxed and wide. She was beautiful inside and outside  . . . and sideways and upside down. We are the same age and things have changed for us physically. She and I are a bit heavier than we'd like, the hint of coming wrinkles hiding around the corner, the skin not quite as fresh and dewy, and the passage of youth also means changes in other things, a tagging of the edges of gravity is somewhere closer on the horizon . But the laughter is more genuine, the sincerity deeper. She and I may be different than all those years ago, but she seems almost even more beautiful than ever before. The realization has come that our time on earth can be pretty short. Life teaches you. It teaches patience, hope and understanding. But mostly, it teaches unconditional love.
I hope that we have at least 35 more years to share together . . . I can't wait to see how much more beautiful she becomes.

Appreciation for a blog

I love to read about how people live their lives, what motivates them and how they find strength from hardships that they have gotten through. I am encouraged by stories of relationships and each person's journey because I learn from them, I am nurtured and see life from another person's perspective.  I realize that no mattter who we are or where we come from, the emotions we have are the same. We can all feel joy, feel sadness, feel alone and feel loved. And we too can give love, give joy, give of ourselves to others.

There are lots of blogs that I skim over and realize that I don't have much in common with, at least with the topics that they write about.  But there are those special blogs that keep me coming back. Like a good book that you can't wait to finish and yet never want it to end. Writers that have made an impact on me and don't even realize how much. People that write about what is going on in their life that I relate to now, or takes me back to another time, or gives me hope for the future. Blogs that support others that are going through a hard time, or encouragement when it's needed. And congratulations for accomplishments. These are strangers that become friends, because we are more alike than we are different.

 I really appreciate the blogs that have a sense of humor. Laughter makes the day a little lighter and lifts our spirits even when we don't realize how much we need to laugh that day. I would not have thought that so many bloggers, by writing a few words or posting a picture could touch my heart, and inspire me so much. I am brought to deep places in my heart, and exposed to new ways of thinking.

 So this springtime, when we see new life and possiblities all around us, I want to say thank you to each and every blogger for giving something of yourself. I for one, really appreciate you.

on a dreary cold day

I first thought I would just post a pretty photo to make me think of something besides how cold and windy and dreary it is outside today, this in the middle of April.

I was initially drawn in by the multicolor prisms of the perfume bottle. This is not unlike the personality of people we meet. On closer observation and interest there are so many more facets to a person than what we first can even imagine. Take the time to really get to know someone, even those that you think you already know. There is always more to discover, more to share.

 And let your own prisms show to those that you encounter. After all, the best of us is hidden in the insides.

Perfection

                   
    If life were perfect . . . . we wouldn't have any interesting stories to tell.

It is . . . .

It is the very simplest of things that bring us comfort, pleasure and serenity.

tea time and reflections

Whew . . . I'm sitting down for a cup of tea, putting my feet up and I'd enjoy your company for a while.

I've been on the road  for a few weeks working on adding to my photography inventory and getting inspirations for paintings, along with some R&R.

But I've been a bit under the weather. A change in medications, local temperatures, eating on the road and not getting enough rest. A close encounter with not one, but two tornadoes. (And always the thought of bedbugs, can't seem to go to a hotel without checking that part out.) 

 As I get older I find that traveling can take it's toll and it is important to pace oneself. I think I can when it has become clear that I cannot, certainly not like I did before. This is when I admire the energy of youth and the innocent hearts that forge into new adventures. I have done some entertaining and gone many miles.

I've also turned another year older this week and reflected on my life, where I've come from, mistakes I've made, strengths I've aquired, goals I've reached, what I've learned, what makes me happy and where and how do I go from here. There are mistakes that were obvious in my early adulthood, but I refused to pay attention, thinking I could make a difference, I could be the change that mattered. And I did learn . . .  that I have to be myself, that I cannot make myself into what others expect from me. And that I am in control of only myself. Those are really hard lessons to learn.

I have  been missing my twin brother as he passed away 2 years ago now. And there is no end to how often I think of my parents, both gone now  . . . for I can't believe how many years already. Right now my relationship with my children has growing to do. Lots of it. I have tried to give them their space, but sometimes I know we have to drift apart so that we desire to be together. There are things  they don't understand and even though they are young adults,  their life expereinces so far has not been realized by them yet. I am sad for what we haven't been able to share, but one day they will understand life differently as I too learned. It will be an intense learning situation, but they have to see it from their own eyes and hearts. I hope and pray for that time. I too am growing and learning patience, and tolerance for the fact that sometimes things just don't go how we'd like them too. And in the process learning to accept the finite of the human body and how short of time we have to share.

The truth finds it's way, in it's own time and we can't hurry it, for it would not be realized. There is so much joy to share and love to give, but there has to be a willingness. My heart is open, but it has some pretty big bruises.

So please try to open your heart a bit more, be a little kinder, give a hug, give love and  let love into your heart. It feels so good. There is room.

welcoming and creating serenity

When the outside world feels heavy and formidable,
 I feel many of my own actions seem  insignificant in relation to
the enormity of  the issues or attempts to be helpful enough,
it is then that I look to bring serenity and lightness to my world.
 This project is something that I have been working on,
 the camera only captured part of it as it's quite large.

sharing a moment

With everything that is going on in the world right now . . .
I share with you a moment of
 serenity and hope.

A story worth repeating . . .

Now,  I'll be honest . . . that's the best way to be anyway isn't it? 
 I didn't write this next little story, and the site I borrowed this from says that they didn't write it either . . . so I'm not sure who to give credit to.  But I really liked it and wanted to share it with you.

     Once upon a time there was an island where all the feelings lived; Happiness, Sadness, Knowledge and all the others, including Love.
One day it was announced to all of the feelings that the island was going to sink to the bottom of the ocean. So all the feelings prepared their boats to leave. Love was the only one that stayed.

     She wanted to preserve the island paradise until the very last possible moment. When the island was almost totally under water, Love decided it was time to leave. She began looking for someone to ask for help.
Just then Richness was passing by in a grand boat. Love asked, Richness, “Can I come with you on your boat?”
Richness answered, “I am sorry, but there is a lot of silver and gold on my boat and there would be no room for you anywhere.”
Love decided to ask Vanity, who was passing by in a beautiful vessel. Love cried out, “Vanity, help me please!” “I can’t help you,” Vanity said, “You are all wet and will damage my beautiful boat.”
Next Love saw Sadness passing by. Love said, “Sadness please let me go with you.” Sadness answered, “Love, I'm sorry, but I just need to be alone now.”
Then, Love saw Happiness and cried out, “Happiness, please take me with you.” But Happiness was so overjoyed that he didn't hear Love calling him.

     Love began to cry, then she heard a voice say, “Come love, I will take you with me.” It was an elder. Love felt so blessed and overjoyed that she forgot to ask the elder his name. When they arrived on land, the elder went on his way.
Love realized how much she owed the elder and when she met Knowledge she asked, “Who was that who helped me?”
“It was Time,” Knowledge answered. “But why did Time help me when no one else would?,” Love asked.
Knowledge smiled and with deep wisdom and sincerity, answered,
“Because only Time is capable of understanding how great Love is.”

How to keep our most precious things

When we have something precious in our lives we tend to want to keep it.
We look for a special or pretty container to keep it in.
The truth is though, that the most precious of things cannot be kept or contained.
They must be shared.
 Love.  Faith.  Charity. 
Three of the most precious of life's offerings that when kept locked up will wither and die.

Write RIGHT Now

           That's right, write it NOW.
           In this month's Elle magazine, Joyce Carol Oates is interviewed in  part about her book  'A Widow's Story'. It'strue and based on her husband of over forty years getting  pneumonia, going to the hospital and in one week, getting an infection and dying.
       This experience is intensely violent to one's emotions and changes in life. It made me think of my own life and how your world can become completely overturned in a short time without notice.    
      Ms. Oates recalls  she had to write it as she was going through it.. To write and feel the words in the months of widowhood immediatley after his death.

     With happenings in my own life, I have often said, someday I will write about it.
     But in truth, the waiting can change the intensity and perspective of  feeling. Feelings might calm, understanding and acceptance might come, but too, anger or pain can also fester and grow.

     When we wait to tell a story, the story itself often changes.  Tell a story in a circle, whisper a few sentences in an ear and telling them to pass it on to the next person. By the time it comes back to you, part of the story is different by each teller and interpretation.  Our own personal stories change as we journey through the road of life.
     So write that story today, right now, when all the feelings are vivid and strong and want to be heard.. If it calls to you . . . write it again later on and see how the orchestra of life has given it a different rhythm.