Sunday, November 7, 2010

Meeting and Judging

     It's pretty interesting what goes on when we first meet someone. We look them over and in a manner of minutes of observing and interacting, we have catagorized them, put them in their appropriate little box and determined the amount of time and energies we want to expend on them, if at all. I know you do this. I know I have.
     We assess another by looks, physical features, body language and attire. We are attracted or repulsed by scent, the aroma of their natural essence or the artificial layers of the soaps, shampoos and perfumes of their choice. The sound of their voice can be music to our ears or an auditory irritation. There is so much more we judge on . . .  the sense of their touch, a handshake, a hug, or lack of either, choices of their words and topics and even friends. All this is what we do every single time we meet someone whether we pay attention to it or not. JUDGMENT . . . for some people it's fast, simple and etched in stone to remain forever unchanged. But for most of us, I think we try to find something in common and we really do want to like them.

      At the same time, they are assessing us, just like we are doing to them. Hmmm, that gets a little harder. doesn't it? Do you really want someone to have summed you up and made a decision about you this quickly? Have you had a relationship and can't get past a judgement you made? As if no one changes, makes mistakes or has potential for growth.

     Are we passing each other's litmus test? What if your assessment is totally off the mark? All or part of it. What life experiences are you coming from when you're interacting? Are your decisions based on the influences of others?  Have you let another dictate your choices in  life?

      If you like a person, you might be guarded, thinking maybe you're too quick in being accepting, too trusting. While, if you aren't interested, in time you might wonder if you were too harsh. Often times we see in others what we like and don't like in ourselves. How would you assess yourself?  How realistic is it to assess yourself honestly?
     I am making efforts to be in the moment more. To accept that life keeps changing, us, as well as others, and that each time we see someone, whether it's the first time or the 1000th, we need to look at them as for the first time. And know that inside of everyone there is something  to share and something that can grow if it is nurtured.

     We really are like a bunch of seedlings in a package. A seedling becomes nothing if left in the dark to itself. It needs a little dirt, a little sunshine, a few thunderstorms, love and lots of room to do it's own thing.  We don't know what stage of growth the other seedling is in.  But with patience, nurturing and optimism, we can become a beautiful garden together.


  1. i love this post. i've found myself asking these questions a lot, especially "Are your decisions based on the influences of others? Have you let another dictate your choices in life?" you've made great points. as much as we learn from past experiences, there are times when a clean slate is essential.
    when i was in high school, i suddenly started not being shy anymore, started volunteering answers in class and whatnot. it took people a while to get used to that, to get over their previous expectations of me. i don't want to put other people in those kinds of boxes.

  2. Truth.

    I too am learning to leave the door cracked and to prevent completely locking someone out (or allowing full entrance) of my life, upon initial meetings. So far, so good.

    It has taught me that the world wasn't built in a single moment nor day and, as you stated, with the proper amount of optimism and nurturing and patience, the spirit can grow to be a beautiful garden, eventually.

    I guess what I am learning to do NOW more than ever is take my time.

    Inspiring - Thanks for sharing.

  3. This is such a good post. It's especially apt due to things going on with me right now.

  4. This is beautiful!
    I am a seedling - and I feel like I don't always get enough sunshine. I think sometimes I block it myself...I need to do more to make myself better.
    I love the way you said all of this!!