Saturday, February 20, 2010

A Peacock and a Tiger

     Do you ever feel like you don't quite fit in?
     Let me set a sample scenario for you. For instance. a group setting, a relaxing weekend evening, A BBQ, bonfire, balmy skies, with a bit of chill in the air, everyone getting closer to the fire to get warm. First a bit of idle chatter, weather, a little news, introductions and maybe a few drinks, or not. Certainly everyone is friendly, you feel welcome, perhaps you know some or most people, everyone chatting, laughing, seemingly having a great time and you are very much a part of the conversation. And yet for some reason you feel that  you don't quite belong?
 Do you ever feel that way? Like a croissant in a box of donuts, a cup of hot tea with lemon amidst a martini bar, a pair of ballerina shoes in a row of hiking boots, a chocolate bar on the salad menu, a pony in a chicken coup, a paintbrush in a box of crayons, a mermaid and a flutter of fairies. Not that any of it is better or lesser, just different.
     That happpens to me frequently. I usually have a great time, but sometime during the course of the evening, comes a realization in a split of a nonosecond of time that makes me feel I am different. Do you ever feel that way?
     As much as I love being around people and can be very social, and could never be an isolationist, I am oft times a bit of a loner. I like quiet times, and can entertain myself for hours and days at a time. I am actually quite happy then and enjoy being reflective. I find that I need alone time, it is calming and self nurturing to me. I have friends that can't do anything by themselves, and others that like to be the life of the party. And some friends that are a bit more shy or reserved in crowds maybe, but I think this is a different feeling altogether.I guess I like the option of being around people and of being by myself too.
     So what I am saying is, I am always happy to share your company, and love visiting and having fun together, but don't be offended if I have to go and you don't see me for a a bit. It's just the way it is.


  1. For this southern man, alone time is a MUST. As my children were growing n my business was very demanding, I chose to go to work around 4am thus allowing me to be home with them n the evening. I thrived n my early morn routine, coffee, music to stir or at times, the wonder of quiet. Taking a predawn walk n breathing deep nature gave my day the perfect beginning.

    I slso enjoy the interaction of diverse people. Still, the entertainment of sitting back at times n people watching fascinates me.

    In my youth I often felt i must be adopted, as I was more a "stranger in a strange land" than a part of my family environment. The privilege of reading, writing, painting n so many other outbursts of soul allowed me to see beyond my natural senses.

    You are not alone in your summation. We must feed ourselves. The ones who crave attention by being loud usually have the least of worth to share. Listening, not just hearing offers us entry into the minds n souls of people worth the effort. Thanks for sharing these snapshots of your world.

  2. I like that analogy....a coissant in a box of donuts.

    Darlin' your fellow croissant.
    I feel that way alot. And like you, it doesn't bother me, it actually makes me glad I'm not a donut.

  3. I'm able to relate to this but I always figured it was due to me having spend so much time alone as a child. I like my own company and I'm able to do things on my own. Gardening, baking, watch films, long walks and on and on.
    I love that we have this in common.
    Warm regards and a lovely week to you my dear.